I have been exploring the collective shadow, that ambiguous place of despair that we all share. Let’s face it, people in our society just aren’t that honest, not because they are evil, but because the truth hurts.

Call it pride, bypassing, excessive positivity, or saving face. For instance, the Co-vid protesters who are protesting about their inconveniences. I can understand their desire to appear strong, to not say that they are worried about their income and jobs. So, like millions of others, they are “passing” as normal, avoiding stating their real needs, and sounding off for the wrong reasons.

As an Aspie, I know where they are coming from. You might think “all is fair,” so that when Aspies are growing up, many are treated the same as others. Like you, they may have experienced bullying, rejection, and isolation. But, unlike you, they may not have been as resilient. Anxiety and depression are a lot more serious for Aspies. When they aren’t given the one-on-one approach or the special handling they need, then they suffer.

This is because we live in a society that hates anything smattering of difference. We are told to despise anything inside of us that appears that different and to label it “weak.” We are taught that we must not show our differences or we will face ostracism. Thus, into this double-bind world, we are thrown. Not only us Aspies but you as well.

What is little known is that autism is a diversity issue and would not have to be looked upon as a disability if people were more aware of it. Many times, parents who want to protect their Aspie kids from that label have also prevented them from learning the truth, that it is not weakness.

Rather than being a barrier of some sort, this revelation can assist a child in the most empowering way by explaining their difficulties and their gifts. I used to think my problems were based on trauma, but it never quite added up. It may have been a part of it, but it has mostly to do with not understanding how I was wired.

The best part of diagnosis is understanding why I came to be this way and how perfect it is. And that alone is truly remarkable and liberating. In fact, being a liberated Aspie gives me a platform from which to speak about our society and its impacts. Here are some of the insights that I find many Aspies share with me.

Discretion versus Deception

Our society has a problem with power. We are conditioned to be deceptive. Deception tricks others to act or behave in a way that someone wants them to behave. One of the interventions widely misused with Aspies — that, as a therapist and an Aspie, I take offense to — is the misapplication of Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA), for it can be a way of subtly manipulating others. Our media does this too.

The assumption that a young Aspie or the general public has limited self-awareness often dictates the inconsideration of the child’s or public’s beliefs, preferences, or inner worlds. Our society, like some practitioners using ABA, punishes their dignity.

Discretion is being careful with what one discloses. It is being honest but without violating privacy or respect. This can appear as a teacher taking a student aside to correct them instead of doing nothing or criticizing the student in front of their classmates. Or a public servant or reporter discussing many sides to an issue. Discretion takes facts into account and makes an educated guess.

But in our society, it is hard to have discretion. We have so little time to get things done. It is more time consuming to gather the facts than to run with an impulsive rationale. Telling the truth can be risky.

Our society often punishes the idea of humility, accountability, or contrition. We don’t talk about uncomfortable truths. We sacrifice fairness in favor of power. The lures of deception are that it maintains dominant positions of power, often perpetuating the less-than treatment of others.

People with autism and people who have been marginalized have difficulty in this type of society. We prefer symmetrical relationships. Because when there is too much of a power imbalance in an authoritarian or anarchical way, we feel the need to revolt. This doesn’t mean that we are oppositional, defiant, or resistant, as so many people incorrectly assume. It means that we have a taste for justice.

What has come to my attention is that many Aspies have a wildly unpredictable and precocious cognition. This is both a gift and a curse. The phenomenon of the “little professor” is as awkward for parents as it is for the child that presents that way.

We clash with our society’s way of doing things because Aspies can be “powerhouses” who find new solutions. When we get demands, dishonesty, bypassing, or a hidden set of rules, dictated by those identified as being on top, it often goes against our sense of rightness. Sometimes we are like those Co-vid protesters, but given the proper guidance, we can be righteous and serve justice.

I’ve considered the implications of outing myself as having Asperger’s. My life story as one former supervisor stated it is “an incredible journey of survival.” Despite having grown up this way, I am tenacious. This journey has highlighted for me how diverse we all are, from the marginalized to the privileged.

Sometimes I have wondered what my purpose is in all of this, and the answer I keep getting is that Aspies are the canary in the coalmine. We are here, to tell the truth with discretion, poignancy, and effectiveness.

Thank you.