A few years ago, when a clinical psychologist specializing in autism told me that I have Asperger’s Syndrome, it freed me to an extent. But the question became, can I tell anyone? After all, I had spent the greater part of my life covering up my perplexing characteristics. Characteristics that were judged, mocked, attacked, or humiliated and treated with “tough love,” avoidance, or paternalism.

Asperger’s Syndrome, a higher functioning form of autism, is also identified as Autism Spectrum Disorder. So what’s not to like about telling people that you have a syndrome or a disorder? I like to think of it as a condition whose onset, description and cure are all still under tremendous scrutiny and dispute.
We are an invisible population. A highly sensitive, complicated, and even gifted bunch. Those of us lucky enough to have had an early diagnosis and interventions may likely experience the passage to adulthood to be just as jolting as those of us who have not been. But I wonder about that, especially since we are so difficult to distinguish, a bit complicated to treat, and in our current medical care system, we may not be able to get the supports or services that we need.

Here’s where it gets complicated. Some say, “What if it’s not a disorder?” If a flower doesn’t grow, nobody says that’s it’s a dysfunctional flower; they say it needs to be planted in the right soil. Why would that be any different from how some of us happen to be? Even the latest research cannot differentiate between the brain of a person with autism and that of a typical person, but we have been relegated as a marginalized group, and we shouldn’t be.

Now, not many of you know this, but there was a movement started not too long ago by persons on the autism spectrum, called the Neurodiversity Movement. Instead of choosing a label that we don’t want, what some call a “disorder,” we call “different.” Most of you folks we call “typical.” We call ourselves “atypical.”

All well and good, but you might be thinking, “What’s the point of identifying that?” It’s so that we are now able to identify the gifts we, as neurologically atypical persons, offer to the world. For instance, while many of us are not savants (geniuses), our population has a higher percentage of savants than the typical group does, something like 10% compared to 1%. What will become of persons who are like Tesla, Einstein, or Newton if they simply fall through the cracks? Or what of the kids who seem difficult and behind the curve — you can never be sure what their gifts are — many just need the right amendments. People like this are often late bloomers.

Even our peers on the least-typical functioning area of the spectrum offer sublime gifts and so do we. Some of you who are not familiar with persons with higher functioning autism may have heard that there are many of us working in Silicon Valley. We are great at computing and calculating, but not usually so great socially. You may have watched characteristics of such acted out through characters in shows like The Big Bang Theory or House. My favorite cultural reference is Mr. Spock or Data from the Star Trek series. It is difficult for them to accept typical human emotional arguments or inaccurate statements. They have to be logical. They need concrete answers. This may not be an immediate need for you.

But if you are an atypical or an “Aspie” and you aren’t given enough concrete information to get by, then you may experience intense sensations and disorienting ideas as I did. I would have had trouble articulating this 20 or 30 years ago. This diagnosis has explained a lot about my anxiety and struggles that I have experienced since childhood.

Even though I initially felt some stigma to this, I discovered by being an advocate for those with different abilities (and counting myself among them) that I have even greater empathy for the world at large.

It seems that “Superior Attention Disorder,” as a friend puts it, my obsessively-convoluted and obtuse way of thinking has been my saving grace. A few years ago I conferred with a master’s degree in Clinical Psychology, and I have seriously considered launching my own organization as an autism consultant.
As you go out into the world, you may find that there are not many guarantees. You may still find that your journey has not ended up the way you have wanted it to. You may still have many steps to take towards your goals. Respect yourself. Empathy is not always given, even though it may be what you want and need the most. So give it to yourself. You are ultimately your own best source. We can only hope that society will realize this message and begin to help those who are in need of this kind of support because by helping them, society ultimately helps themselves.