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The Autistic Therapist

Insights from a
Therapist-on-the-Spectrum,
Decreasing the Stigma of ASD.

MY STORY

"Being on the Spectrum is a lot less daunting than it used to be. I've learned a lot of skills, discarded the beliefs that weren't serving me, and practiced how to articulate some of the deeper feelings and sensations that frightened and paralyzed me when I was younger."

Damon Ackerman, LMHC,
Therapist for Children, Adults, Couples, and Families

who also has an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) diagnosis

1 in

children in the U.S. born in 1992 had been identified with ASD by 2000. (CDC)*

1 in

children in the U.S. born in 2010 had been identified with ASD by 2018. (CDC)*

estimated

adults in the United States (2.21%) have ASD. (CDC, 2017)*

For more data and statistics on Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), visit the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

About Me

Bio

Damon Ackerman, LMHC, helps transform the lives of children, adolescents, adults, and families, with the overarching goal of strengthening the island community as a whole. Damon’s approach is eclectic, informed by cultural sensitivity, leading-edge practices in therapy, holistic health, and the mindfulness movement. His methods, refined over several years of professional experience on most of the Hawaiian islands, are both comforting and creative as well as steadfast and respectful. He teaches individuals and families how to generate hope, understand and articulate their challenges, build better skills, develop innovative solutions, improve cohesiveness in both intrapersonal and interpersonal relating, and expand the quality of life.

Researching Neurodiversity and Autism Spectrum Disorder, especially High-Functioning Autism, is paramount to Damon both personally and professionally. As a graduate student of the APA-accredited Hawaii School of Professional Psychology in Honolulu, Damon’s dissertation on Autism was accepted at the American Psychological Association’s 121st Annual Convention. Damon is highly attuned to the complexities of ASD.

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Damon knows that a child or adult with a diagnosis is just as capable as any; and, with the correct support, can learn to cope and succeed. He has learned how to heal and empower individuals and families by motivating children to behave, helping teenagers to negotiate, adults to cope, and coaching parents to be more effective.

During his free time, Damon enjoys improving body-mind vitality with friends and family by spending time in the ‘aina, focusing on fitness and nutrition, tenaciously researching, and facilitating community game nights.

Areas of Specialization

  • Neurodiversity and Autism Spectrum Disorder
  • Learning Differences and Developmental or Intellectual Challenges
  • Children, Adolescents, and Adults
  • Crisis Intervention, Safety Planning, Trauma, Depression, and Anxiety
  • Family Therapy, Positive Family Function, Family Engagement
  • Parenting Coaching, Support, Modeling, and Leverage
  • Emotional and Behavioral Self-Regulation and Coping Skills
  • Gifted Children, Behavioral Contracting, and Cognitive, Social, and Communication Skills
  • Play Therapy & Instructional Play
  • Couple’s Communication & Men’s Issues
  • CBT, Psychodynamic, Functional Family Therapy, and Group Therapy

My Story

The Autistic Therapist

Ugly Duckling Syndrome

The truth about Asperger’s is that it need not be a life-long sentence. A lot of people including the kid who acts awkwardly thinks that he or she will not grow up to be accepted as a typical adult.

Caught between the dizzying spectacles of their own fascinations and the rote conditioning of this competitive society, kids and teens on “the spectrum,” can be frustratingly naive, or stubbornly irrational in response to the many contradictions they have been told to live with.

By adulthood, most can learn not to be so narrowly focused, oblique, earnest, or blunt. They can maintain the gifts of autism — curiosity, fascination, and exploration, but on a wider expanse. With the support of family and friends, they can learn better social skills.

For many, it is a journey of survival. They are in danger of being misunderstood, misrepresented, or taken advantage of. A self-conscious kid attending school will likely get picked on. As much as they try to fit in, they inevitably feel left out.

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Long ago, before I even knew what was wrong, I figured I was different. I spoke more to adults than to kids. I could hold my own in discussions with older people, but friendships with kids and teens my age were confusing.

These days I work with children with autism. My present role is as a type of interpreter. For instance, I believe that people on the spectrum aren’t so upset by a change in routine as they are challenged by a lack of clear communication. When typical people act and speak in competitive ways, we often feel too intimidated to say we do not understand.

We have been taught that autism is a disorder. Yet many reject that viewpoint. Being different is nothing to be ashamed of. Not long ago at a weekly men’s group, I stated, “As a man amongst men, I am an atypical man.” It was a statement of my own freedom to be unique.

It is exactly by accepting this kind of description of who we are that we find our inner power. Being capable was never a problem. Feeling worthy was.

I predict that autism will, over the years, become more fully-embraced, and I think it will ultimately engender a surprisingly facilitative diversity movement that will have a massive impact on humanity.

Thank you.

The Autistic Therapist

My Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger's

Have you ever noticed, if you have ever spoken in front of a large audience or stood high atop a cliff, that you are likely to feel anxious? Or have you ever experienced a mental block that prevented you from expressing yourself? Now imagine having a combination of both of those traits every day. If you grew up as I did, with the kind of anxiety and confusion that I had, not only would it be noticeable, but it would also be a source of skepticism, bewilderment or shame regardless of how good your parents were. I remember many times, my parents, teachers or adults in the community would shake their heads wondering what was wrong with me and why their attempts to help would fail.

A few years ago, when a clinical psychologist specializing in autism told me that I have Asperger’s Syndrome, it freed me to an extent. But the question became, can I tell anyone? After all, I had spent the greater part of my life covering up my perplexing characteristics. Characteristics that were judged, mocked, attacked, or humiliated and treated with “tough love,” avoidance, or paternalism.

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Here’s where it gets complicated. Some say, “What if it’s not a disorder?” If a flower doesn’t grow, nobody says that’s it’s a dysfunctional flower; they say it needs to be planted in the right soil. Why would that be any different from how some of us happen to be? Even the latest research cannot differentiate between the brain of a person with autism and that of a typical person, but we have been relegated as a marginalized group, and we shouldn’t be.

Now, not many of you know this, but there was a movement started not too long ago by persons on the autism spectrum, called the Neurodiversity Movement. Instead of choosing a label that we don’t want, what some call a “disorder,” we call “different.” Most of you folks we call “typical.” We call ourselves “atypical.”

All well and good, but you might be thinking, “What’s the point of identifying that?” It’s so that we are now able to identify the gifts we, as neurologically atypical persons, offer to the world. For instance, while many of us are not savants (geniuses), our population has a higher percentage of savants than the typical group does, something like 10% compared to 1%. What will become of persons who are like Tesla, Einstein, or Newton if they simply fall through the cracks? Or what of the kids who seem difficult and behind the curve — you can never be sure what their gifts are — many just need the right amendments. People like this are often late bloomers.

Even our peers on the least-typical functioning area of the spectrum offer sublime gifts and so do we. Some of you who are not familiar with persons with higher functioning autism may have heard that there are many of us working in Silicon Valley. We are great at computing and calculating, but not usually so great socially. You may have watched characteristics of such acted out through characters in shows like The Big Bang Theory or House. My favorite cultural reference is Mr. Spock or Data from the Star Trek series. It is difficult for them to accept typical human emotional arguments or inaccurate statements. They have to be logical. They need concrete answers. This may not be an immediate need for you.

But if you are an atypical or an “Aspie” and you aren’t given enough concrete information to get by, then you may experience intense sensations and disorienting ideas as I did. I would have had trouble articulating this 20 or 30 years ago. This diagnosis has explained a lot about my anxiety and struggles that I have experienced since childhood.

Even though I initially felt some stigma to this, I discovered by being an advocate for those with different abilities (and counting myself among them) that I have even greater empathy for the world at large.

It seems that “Superior Attention Disorder,” as a friend puts it, my obsessively-convoluted and obtuse way of thinking has been my saving grace. A few years ago I conferred with a master’s degree in Clinical Psychology, and I have seriously considered launching my own organization as an autism consultant.
As you go out into the world, you may find that there are not many guarantees. You may still find that your journey has not ended up the way you have wanted it to. You may still have many steps to take towards your goals. Respect yourself. Empathy is not always given, even though it may be what you want and need the most. So give it to yourself. You are ultimately your own best source. We can only hope that society will realize this message and begin to help those who are in need of this kind of support because by helping them, society ultimately helps themselves.

Thank you.

The Autistic Therapist

The Bite of the Asp

“Aspies” are persons with Asperger’s or high-functioning autism. I am one. Lately, I have been feeling clearer about the gifts of my condition. For one, it allows me to articulate things that people don’t like to talk about.

I have been exploring the collective shadow, that ambiguous place of despair that we all share. Let’s face it, people in our society just aren’t that honest, not because they are evil, but because the truth hurts.

Call it pride, bypassing, excessive positivity, or saving face. For instance, the Co-vid protesters who are protesting about their inconveniences. I can understand their desire to appear strong, to not say that they are worried about their income and jobs. So, like millions of others, they are “passing” as normal, avoiding stating their real needs, and sounding off for the wrong reasons.

As an Aspie, I know where they are coming from. You might think "all is fair," so that when Aspies are growing up, many are treated the same as others. Like you, they may have experienced bullying, rejection, and isolation. But, unlike you, they may not have been as resilient. Anxiety and depression are a lot more serious for Aspies. When they aren’t given the one-on-one approach or the special handling they need, then they suffer.

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This is because we live in a society that hates anything smattering of difference. We are told to despise anything inside of us that appears that different and to label it "weak." We are taught that we must not show our differences or we will face ostracism. Thus, into this double-bind world, we are thrown. Not only us Aspies but you as well.

What is little known is that autism is a diversity issue and would not have to be looked upon as a disability if people were more aware of it. Many times, parents who want to protect their Aspie kids from that label have also prevented them from learning the truth, that it is not weakness.

Rather than being a barrier of some sort, this revelation can assist a child in the most empowering way by explaining their difficulties and their gifts. I used to think my problems were based on trauma, but it never quite added up. It may have been a part of it, but it has mostly to do with not understanding how I was wired.

The best part of diagnosis is understanding why I came to be this way and how perfect it is. And that alone is truly remarkable and liberating. In fact, being a liberated Aspie gives me a platform from which to speak about our society and its impacts. Here are some of the insights that I find many Aspies share with me.

Discretion versus Deception

Our society has a problem with power. We are conditioned to be deceptive. Deception tricks others to act or behave in a way that someone wants them to behave. One of the interventions widely misused with Aspies — that, as a therapist and an Aspie, I take offense to — is the misapplication of Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA), for it can be a way of subtly manipulating others. Our media does this too.

The assumption that a young Aspie or the general public has limited self-awareness often dictates the inconsideration of the child’s or public's beliefs, preferences, or inner worlds. Our society, like some practitioners using ABA, punishes their dignity.

Discretion is being careful with what one discloses. It is being honest but without violating privacy or respect. This can appear as a teacher taking a student aside to correct them instead of doing nothing or criticizing the student in front of their classmates. Or a public servant or reporter discussing many sides to an issue. Discretion takes facts into account and makes an educated guess.

But in our society, it is hard to have discretion. We have so little time to get things done. It is more time consuming to gather the facts than to run with an impulsive rationale. Telling the truth can be risky.

Our society often punishes the idea of humility, accountability, or contrition. We don't talk about uncomfortable truths. We sacrifice fairness in favor of power. The lures of deception are that it maintains dominant positions of power, often perpetuating the less-than treatment of others.

People with autism and people who have been marginalized have difficulty in this type of society. We prefer symmetrical relationships. Because when there is too much of a power imbalance in an authoritarian or anarchical way, we feel the need to revolt. This doesn’t mean that we are oppositional, defiant, or resistant, as so many people incorrectly assume. It means that we have a taste for justice.

What has come to my attention is that many Aspies have a wildly unpredictable and precocious cognition. This is both a gift and a curse. The phenomenon of the “little professor” is as awkward for parents as it is for the child that presents that way.

We clash with our society’s way of doing things because Aspies can be "powerhouses" who find new solutions. When we get demands, dishonesty, bypassing, or a hidden set of rules, dictated by those identified as being on top, it often goes against our sense of rightness. Sometimes we are like those Co-vid protesters, but given the proper guidance, we can be righteous and serve justice.

I’ve considered the implications of outing myself as having Asperger’s. My life story as one former supervisor stated it is “an incredible journey of survival.” Despite having grown up this way, I am tenacious. This journey has highlighted for me how diverse we all are, from the marginalized to the privileged.

Sometimes I have wondered what my purpose is in all of this, and the answer I keep getting is that Aspies are the canary in the coalmine. We are here, to tell the truth with discretion, poignancy, and effectiveness.

Thank you.

Coming soon: videos, worksheets, tools, and other resources for parents, teachers, and therapists.

Damon Ackerman, LMHC
Honolulu, Hawai'i
(808) 347-8537
 [email protected]

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